Gaslit From Space

How to know if your boyfriend is really an astronaut.

You’ve been dating for about 6 months when he tells you he’s moving to the International Space Station. This comes as a bit of a surprise since he’s only just moved into your tiny Brooklyn studio, and this is the first you’ve heard of him being even remotely interested in outer space. 

“I told you I was an astronaut”

“You told me you worked for the government”

He nods, “Exactly.”

He explains he’ll be leaving the next morning and will be completely out of contact for at least 48 hours, but “best call it a week, to be safe”. When he explains that the mission is so top secret that you’ll find no evidence of it online, you’re overcome with something that feels a lot like seasickness and have to look away to the spot on the wall where the broker promised you a window would be.

 “What about Thanksgiving?”

After a sharp intake of breath he says, “Tricky- ” and it sounds like he’s about to say something else but then more time passes and you see that his eyes are now fixed on a muted NBA game he’s started watching on your laptop. You study his profile; his impossibly long eyelashes for an adult man adorn large, almond eyes that sit above pre-contoured cheekbones. 

Like an Egyptian cat, his is a face sculpted, and hewn out of sacred stone; otherworldly and unmerciful.  

He’d make such a breathtakingly fishy drag queen.